Working Mom

About a year ago last spring, I was asking about openings at the school, looking for part-time work, hoping to be able to augment our income to help even out the deficits caused by owning two homes and not very reliable renters. At the time, the only position that was open was one that would require me to work all day, a couple days a week. With Nathan being only in kindergarten, I didn't see how that would work very well for our family. We prayed about it, and decided it just wasn't time yet, and we needed to trust in Heavenly Father (since He led us here in the first place) and trim the budget wherever we could.

Then, later that summer, when I dropped Joshua off for summer reading program, the vice-principal asked me if I was interested in a part-time job at the school as a morning aide in one of the classrooms. I went home and talked to Steve about it again. We prayed again, and decided that this fit into our lives better, and wouldn't cause too much stress for me or our family. (I am first, and foremost a mother, and I love being able to be home with my kids!) So, I interviewed and got the job! We felt like it was a blessing and answer to our prayers.

I was blessed to be assigned to 3rd Grade, to work with Mrs. Mary Harris, one of the most amazing teachers I know. She teaches kids to be responsible, holds them accountable, and empowers them to be the best they can be. Their motto in 3rd grade is "If you don't get it today, you might get it tomorrow. But only if you try." As the year progressed, I learned to really love Mrs. Harris. We became very good friends as we struggled through her mother's stroke and Sarah's illness together. We work well together, and agree on almost everything, including how to raise kids and having unwavering faith in God as our strength. She is an amazing teacher, but also a wonderful friend, whom I gained much respect for and support from.

Fast forward... in retrospect... 

Nearing the end of the school year, the other aide left and I was given the opportunity to work more hours. That helped financially, but it also meant more time away in the afternoon working and in the evenings doing the things I couldn’t do during the day…  I have since discovered that during that time, I was kind of on autopilot, whatever event, chore, or concern filled my life at the moment is what received my attention.

I love my job, but that 8-week experience taught me that there is nothing more important to me than being home. I discovered that my presence in the afternoon and evenings really does matter in my family. Did they survive? Yes. Are they unchanged? No, not really. Through this experience we all changed, and I’m grateful that we had an opportunity this summer to regroup and refocus on what really matters most and, working together to make our home and family what we want it to be, even when Mommy is working.

Hopspital Photo Ops

When Sarah was in the hospital in September and October, we tried to find things that would brighten her room and bring a little joy and light to her life. Here are some of the things we enjoyed most while "trapped" in our "sterile" boredom...

 

Sarah and I painted her windows to improve the view and brighten her room. (Housekeeping didn't really like this, so we only did it during our first stay. It was so cute though, and did make her smile!)

Sarah listened to music... and slept... a lot.

We put together puzzles and played games from the playroom. We dragged a few of our favorite games from home, too, when we realized we might be there a while.

Sarah and I added a Cricut to our list of wants... Sarah's Aunt Susie and her cousin Toni took the day off work and came to play with paper and they made darling decorations for her window! The time passed so quickly and she had a wonderful time!

We cuddled...

... and smiled, as often as possible. When it didn't seem possible at the moment, then we looked for specific reasons to smile.

Facebook, Skype, texting and the telephone were lifelines to the "outside" world. (I think she was actually ordering her dinner or lunch in this picture, but we did spend a lot of time talking to people who love her!)

A Hawaiian Luau, complete with grass skirt and flower lei....

Upon hearing that she wouldn't be heading home (yet again), a few of her wonderful aunts in Utah threw together a luau in her honor. 4 Aunts, 1 Uncle, and a handful of cousins surprised her with a little tropical get away in the 3rd floor conference room.

...And a surprise visit from her best friend, Autumn.

Reading, listening to music, and watching the "smileys" do their tricks. Sarah got one of these little guys on her breakfast tray every morning holding a card with a silly little joke on it. They became a highlight, as she would share her jokes with the phlebotomists that came to draw her blood every morning at the crack of dawn. Her brothers loved hearing them each time we talked too. Steve was entertained for a moment each day by adding another little "smiley" to her collection. They got pretty tricky by the time we went home!

Had to do just one more puzzle with Mom before heading home. (It does take more than a few hours to finally leave once they give the word!) Doesn't she look great? That's a real smile, now!

My October Gratitude List

Since things have been less than ideal in our lives this month, I thought I should share some of the things we are grateful for these days... (in no particular order, and most likely not a very complete list)

• For Primary Children's Medical Center - that the hospital is only 2 1/2 hours away, for incredible doctors and nurses that really care about Sarah, for specialists and cooperative teams trying to solve her problems, special teams like Child Life and Rainbow Kids, and that one of its purposes is to keep kids happy while they have to be here
• For the love, prayers, support and visits from our extended family, friends, ward family, and acquaintances
• That Steve's boss has been so understanding and flexible to help get us through this and keep his focus where it should be right now
• For Steve's friends that have helped with his city council campaign in his absence
• For home teachers that have mowed our gigantic lawn more than once
• That my mom is retired and has been able and willing to "move in" to take care of my kids so Steve and I could both be here as much as possible, and for my dad for helping and supporting her (and us)
• For Steve's parents for providing us with room and board, and wonderful meals, and company
• For Relief Society leaders that have completely taken over my calling so I could focus on my family
• For all of the "love" that has showed up on our doorstep... hospital snacks, presents for Sarah, meals, treats, Halloween surprises, cards, and money to help us through this stressful time
• That we have good insurance and Medicaid for Sarah so the hospital and doctor bills haven't caused any extra stress
• For social workers that arranged a room for us at the Ronald McDonald House and other reimbursement programs to help relieve some of our other financial burdens
• That my sweet sister-in-law sewed Bryson's Halloween costume so I wouldn't have to
• For our patient children at home that haven't complained, but pray every day that we'll be home together again soon
• For technology (like videocams and skype) that allow us to "be with" our kids sometimes
• For Steve's sisters that planned a "surprise Hawaiian luau" to brighten Sarah's otherwise frustrating and disappointing weekend
• For the family members and friends that have come to visit, bring meals, do crafts with Sarah, and brighten our prolonged stay at the hospital
• For our sweet daughter Sarah, and her incredible example of faith and long-suffering
• For our Heavenly Father's love and care, His plan, blessings, and tender mercies
• For our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His infinite love and atonement that grants us the strength to endure and the grace sufficient to overcome

A Car Wash, Butterfly and Two Life Lessons

Yesterday, we decided it was about time we washed our filthy cars. They're big cars... a blazer and suburban. The neighbor commented about how great it was that the whole family was helping since they're such big cars. Really, we thought it would be good to work together to teach our children that working together can be fun and that it helps get the work done faster, but I think there was a lot more playing going on than working. We did have fun, and all the kids were soaked. While the suburban was getting rinsed, a beautiful tiger swallowtail butterfly landed right on the wet hood. Its delicate wings immediately stuck to the water on the hood and it was trapped. The kids all started yelling and Steve came over to see what was going on. The butterfly was fighting with all it had ("freaking out" was what Joshua called it) to get free from that wet hood. Steve carefully put his finger by its front legs and it climbed onto his finger. He gently put it on a plant in the sun to dry. The poor butterfly kept trying to flap its wings, but one was so wet it stayed stuck to the leaf for a long time.

After about 15 minutes, its wings were dry, and it crawled to the shady underside of the leaf. I imagine it was recovering from its exhausting ordeal and trying to "catch its breath". After about another half hour, it crawled to the top, and spread its wings and flew away. We saw another one in the back yard later (when we were "having fun" weeding the garden) and Bryson was sure it was the same one coming back to thank us for helping.

Life Lesson #1: When Steve and I were wiping down the windows of the car, we opened the doors and wiped out the inside as well. I was amazed at how disgustingly dirty the windows were in the back seats and that I hadn't even noticed how filthy the car was inside until the outside was clean. We talked about how when things gradually get dirty, you don't even notice just how gross it was until it's clean again. Kind of like life... sometimes we worry more about what our outsides are like, and forget to take a look inside of our minds and our hearts and don't really realize just how neglected and dirty it is in there. If every little smudge, dust speck, and sticky fingerprint is allowed to settle and find a home, pretty soon you're awfully dirty and haven't even noticed. It reminded me how important it is to prepare myself to take the Sacrament each week. It's like a car wash. Well, more like a full professional car detail, actually. Everything wiped clean, sparkling and vacuumed out...even in the tiniest cracks. Add a little air freshener smelling of humility and gratitude, and you can't feel much better than that.

Life Lesson #2: I thought about that poor butterfly and how absolutely panic-stricken it must have been when it landed on the hood and immediately recognized its mistake. Sometimes we do things that seem like a good idea at the time, but immediately realize it wasn't a very good idea. Sometimes we panic, trying our hardest to get free, and the only way we can escape is by the hand that reaches out to our aid. The only way He can help us though, is if we trust Him, and step up on His finger where He can move us to a safe place. Sometimes our struggles are because of our poor judgment or bad choices. However, the kinds of struggles that are hardest for me to just climb on and trust Him are the ones that are simply a product of mortal circumstances. I know that He has the ability to put me in a warm, safe place to dry out and wait until I'm able to fly again. He has done that for me over and over again. But there are those few minutes, where I somehow forget what He can do, and just "freak out", trying so hard to make it on my own, and wear myself out. I learned something important from that butterfly yesterday. It didn't even hesitate to step onto Steve's finger. It may have been instinct, or it may have been desperation, but that butterfly knew what needed to happen to be saved. I hope that in these struggles of mortality, when the Lord's finger appears in my path again, that I will be willing to just step out and trust Him to lead me to the sunshine to rest until I am whole and can fly again.

Vegetables and My Weight Watchers Weirdness

Being a lifetime member of Weight Watchers has done some weird things to me. Like getting so excited about a 4-PointsPlus breakfast filled to the brim with so many power foods that I had to take a picture of it!

1 egg (2PP), 3 egg whites (1PP), nonstick cooking spray, spinach, zucchini, sweet mini peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions and less than 1/4 cup of fat free cheddar cheese (1PP). It was so delicious... a masterpiece, even!

Vegetables are a main part of my new outlook on life. Although I spent much of my childhood being careful that my vegetables didn't touch my other food, I often mix them in on purpose! One of my favorite ways to eat mashed potatoes these days is to mash over-cooked cauliflower instead and then add just a 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes and 1 or 2 Tbls. of instant potato flakes together. They're a little wet, but taste really yummy and I can get away with eating a whole lot more of that vitamin and fiber infused mash than the fluffy white stuff my family eats. I also stirred in a bunch of spinach with my spaghetti last week. It looked really gross, but I honestly felt that it improved the taste. I prefer zucchini, mushrooms and spinach to noodles in my lasagna, now. I often provide two vegetables with our dinners now, and eat a fruit and at least one vegetable with my lunches, but haven't figured out how to slip veggies into my kids breakfasts yet. I spend most of my time at the grocery store in the produce aisle and curse whoever is responsible for selling bell peppers at $1.39 each and tomatoes at $2.79 a pound. I think I've finally grown up and learned to appreciate the virtues of vegetables. I just need to figure out how to help my kids and husband love them, too!

How Do I Keep My Babies Safe...?

This post should have been made a few weeks ago, at the beginning of March, but I wasn't sure quite how to write what I was feeling, or even if I should write these thoughts down. I have since realized that this is my journal, and no matter how sad, hard, or sensitive things may get at times, I need to write it down for me and others to learn from. (Maybe this is why I should go private, but then, if I do, how can people that need support for heart or PLE issues, or Asperger's find me?.... hmmmmm....) Anyway, I hope this post isn't too sensitive or offensive to some (mostly my family), and that I can adequately express these thoughts without sounding like I'm passing judgment or in any way smearing the names of people I love.... And, after that disclaimer, here's what happened.

At the beginning of March, I got a call from my cousin, the one my age on my mom's side that has been my best friend and one of my favorite people for all of my life. She called to talk to me about her daughter's wedding. In the course of the conversation, I learned that she and her husband finally consented to the marriage of their teenage daughter because she is pregnant. My heart absolutely broke when I heard her tell me that, and naturally, wondered how I would deal with a blow like that, and what on earth I could do to help her. The next evening, my mom called and shared with me a conversation that she had with my brother that had walked away form the church years ago. I learned just how far away he was from coming back, and the finality of his actions left my heart broken yet again, and aching for my parents and all the people who love him. Combined with these thoughts and heartache, I added the fact that a couple months earlier another cousin's teenage daughter had a baby. The worry that I couldn't get out of my head for a week or so after, is "how do I keep my babies safe?"

Parents try their best and do what they can, teaching their kids all the things that make them good, honest, responsible people. Those in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints also try to teach them to obey the commandments of God and make the choices that will lead them to eternal blessings. So what do you do when your child (adult or not) chooses a different path.... A path that you know will lead them ultimately to pain and unhappiness? How do you keep them "safe"? After the conversation with my cousin, I realized just how real agency is. It's a gift we were given before the earth was, and no matter how hard we want to take it away from our kids and "make them" choose the right, we can't. It's not what God wanted for us. And yet, our Heavenly Father and Savior love each of us so much that even though they don't want to lose any of us, they won't take it away, either. It's something we actually give up by our choices until we eventually don't have any more options.

After a trip to the Temple with Steve (where much pondering and praying went on), I came home with a very real feeling that things will be okay. For them, yes, but most especially for me and my kids. I worried so much about getting to that point—the one where you start to lose them—and wondered how you end up there, and what can be done (if anything) to avoid going there at all. I don't know the answer to that. I'm willing to bet those that have been through it are still wondering the same thing. I guess the final answer I've come up with that helped to calm my soul is that as long as you can love them unconditionally and place your hand in God's, everything will be okay. It may not be your "okay"... their lives may not go the way you wish they had gone, and your heart may break for them many times over, but at least they'll still know you love them, and they'll still be part of your life. As long as we have our faith and each other, everything will always be okay. I may be too quick to judge, and maybe the paths of these people I love will lead to somewhere wonderful in the end, but in the meantime, I'm holding my babies a little tighter, and thanking my Heavenly Father every night for their obedient spirits, their goodness, their innocence and their love.

Don't Push That Button...Unless You're Sure You Want To!

I think I've hit a point in my life where I'm either too busy or too distracted and find myself often running on "autopilot". I absent-mindedly drive through town, thinking about everything but driving, and marvel that I get where I headed to safely. I wander through the house picking up and putting things away without realizing or remembering what my original mission was. I say things to my kids, answering their questions and requests, and never remember saying them at all (or even the conversation) the very next day--or minute. Well, I was moving on autopilot one day last week. It was Valentine's Day, to be exact.

I was headed over to my mom's house and opened the garage door on my way out to the car. I realized that I had forgotten my phone and went back inside to get it. When Nathan was buckled in and I was seated behind the wheel once again, I turned the key in the ignition with my right hand, and my left hand went up to press the garage door button on my visor at the same time (the autopilot action). Well, I put it in reverse and started backing out only to hear a horrible bang and scrape and realized that I had shut the garage door on the car. I quickly pushed the button to get it to go back up, got out, and assessed the damage. The car was fine...just a little scrape on the luggage rack rails. The garage door, though off the track on one side wasn't very bad either. The biggest problem, however, was that the door opener wouldn't bring the door up or down anymore. I released the door and shut it manually, cursing myself for not paying attention to what I was doing. (I haven't mentioned yet how very much I love the convenience of parking in the garage, and I just wrecked that, after only having it for only 4 months.) What a wonderful call to make to my sweetheart on Valentine's day.... My caring, sweet husband was all-too patient with me, and kindly chuckled (probably rolled his eyes, too) and said he'd look at it when he got home.

After parking the car in the driveway and using the front door for exactly 5 days, Steve called the garage door guys and they came over the next day. Apparently, there were some long wires that were wrapped around the hinge mechanism thing and they got pinched and snapped. I'm not sure if it was the terrible jarring from my autopilot operations, or if it would have happened eventually, but I'm seriously grateful that it was only that. The garage door guy lubed it all up, fixed the wiring, added another spring because the door was "too heavy for just one", and fixed the "hard to push, but works in exactly the right spot with your thumb" button by the laundry room door. It's so nice to have my garage door working again, and even better than before. I feel so bad it put us back about $70, but like Steve said, "It could have been a lot worse. I'm sure glad you didn't keep driving and rip the whole thing off the garage." Unfortunately, he's seen me on auto-pilot. He knows me too well!

I'm a Lifetime Member!!

Well, I did it, I really, really did it! After completing my 6 weeks of maintenance after reaching my goal weight, I officially became a Weight Watchers Lifetime Member tonight! I love the new "me"! I pray with all my heart that my energies and focus will keep me at this point for the rest of my life. I've taken control, I'm healthy, and I feel so good! Here are some of the things I've learned about food and myself:

• I can do anything I set my mind to, if I want it bad enough.
• I can control myself around homemade brownies and cookies.
• It's okay to leave food on your plate, even at restaurants.
• It's okay to say "no, thank you" and it won't offend your real friends.
• It's possible to find healthy food anywhere you go, if you want to find it.
• I have an amazing support system, and I love them so much.
• I know when I'm satisfied, and no longer overeat to bursting point.
• Eating healthy food is more expensive than eating junk food.
• I can have a 32 year-old body, even after I turn 40.
• Planning is the key to success. If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.
• Tracking (even though I hate it) is the key to staying on top of the food game.
• Losing weight and exercising regularly helped me knock off two contributors to diabetes and heart disease.
• Walking on the treadmill is a lot more fun with a good audio book.
• If you fill your plate with salad and vegetables, there's not much room left for potatoes and gravy.
• I LOVE fruits and vegetables!
• There are lots of delicious low-fat and low-calorie substitutes out there, you just have to be willing to try them.
• Eating right is a decision. It's hard sometimes, but so very worth it.

There are a lot more, but I can't think of them right now. I think the most wonderful things that happened are the changes that happened inside of me. I learned that I CAN control myself, that I CAN have energy to keep up with my kids, I CAN feel good on the inside and out, and I CAN do whatever I want to, with a desire to change, lots of support, conscious effort, and prayer!

The turning point in my "healthy-me" journey was definitely when I joined Weight Watchers with my mom. I have said this before, but I love Weight Watchers! Here's why:

• I had to have someone to report to, weigh in with, and be accountable to (my leaders).
• I had to have money spent (monthly fee) so I would be motivated to make it work.
• I had to have success right away so I could see that it would work.
• I love that the new PointsPlusTM program encourages lots of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and controlled portions of lean protein (just like the Word of Wisdom).
• I love that Weight Watchers teaches you ways to cope with stress, emotions and celebrations in non-food ways; helps you look inside of yourself for cues; and helps you explore the real "you" inside and instills courage, hope and strength from within.
• I loved going to group meetings. There was lots of support, celebrating, ideas, recipes and knowledge swapped there that gave me much to think about, and the tools I needed for success.
• I lost 20 pounds (and 2 pants sizes) I'd been carrying around for at least 17 years.
• There is flexibility in the plan that allows you to eat out, have birthday treats, satisfy cravings, and enjoy life!
• It's easy to understand, makes sense with everything you know about living a healthy lifestyle, and was created with the latest scientific research.
• It works!!

New Year's Resolutions

What is it about the new year that makes us look back, look forward, and set new goals? Wouldn't it be just as proper to do it on our birthdays, or any old day... like June 22nd, for instance. Not likely. Starting fresh just seems to happen naturally when the new calendar goes up and the old one hits the trash. Like every year since I can remember, I have set new goals to go with the new year. UN-like every other year, I think they are realistic, necessary and reachable this year. Wanna know what I'm gonna do this year?

#1 - Maintain my new health habits (my new weight and my new exercise habits) and stay healthy and in control of the food part of my life this year.

#2 - Post on my blog (aka. write in my journal) at least once a week.

#3 - Study the scriptures at least 20 minutes a day, at lest 5 days a week.

Obviously, there are some other things that have to go with those goals, like being organized throughout the day to get myself to bed early enough to get up to study and exercise the next morning, spending my time on Sunday afternoons with my "journal" if I haven't yet that week, and thoroughly enjoying my "one" brownie at Family Home Evening, instead of gobbling up seven like I used to. It's going to be a great year...I can just feel it. I'm off to a good start. I've accomplished my new goals for three whole days! :)

Merry Christmas to Me!

I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! Last night, I went to weigh in at Weight Watchers, and after 33 weeks of weigh-ins, I met my weight-loss goal! After only losing a total of about 7.5 pounds through our Dixon Girls' Biggest Loser contest, I realized that my my eating was still a little out of control, even when I was "trying". I had hit a brick wall, and it seemed that stubborn spot on the scale just wouldn't ever give way. My mom, after having come to the same conclusion about her weight-loss adventure, joined Weight Watchers and told me all about it and that she was really excited. It sounded like exactly what I needed, too. I decided that I needed someone to be accountable to on the scale besides myself, and a place where I could go that someone else would tell me what to do, and ask me how I did. Obviously, my methods weren't working. So, I joined Weight Watchers last April - at 154.6 lbs. I just wanted to lose 15, just to get past that brick wall, and closer the mid-point of the BMI scale. (I later changed my goal to include another 5, to put me right smack in the middle of it.) I love the Weight Watchers Program. It encompasses all aspects of how our bodies process the food we take in, healthy eating, healthy smart habits, exercise or increased activity, group support and encouragement - and most importantly - it includes slow, steady maintain-able weight loss. It took me a while, (with the trip to Alaska and the last 3 pounds I lost over and over again) but I DID IT! Through this process, I broke a few really bad eating habits I didn't even realize I had, gained some self-control, and got a whole lot healthier! Oh, and I went down another pants size and feel terrific about myself! Merry Christmas to ME!

Why is life so crazy?

I've thought about my blog a lot the last few weeks and really planned to spend some time at least every Sunday posting, but time never seems to slow down enough to get to it. I've got at least 5 major things to post, in addition to our Family Road Trip to Alaska, plus all the things I wanted to put in since we've moved. We had half of Steve's family here for Thanksgiving (which was wonderful), and now I'm working on Christmas projects, cards, decorating, and shopping... Stay tuned, maybe I'll have some time to catch up before the year ends! I think I've decided all I want for Christmas this year is a couple more hours a day...

Take a deep breath...

Okay, I got all the necessaries back up, thank goodness, but still need to work on a new header, with new version of my family picture. Not sure what to do with the music player anymore, either. It seems to think it has to be super wide now. Life is a little better at the moment. At least I can sleep now. Sheesh! I guess I should have gone to bed when I first discovered the "newsies" on my blog.

What has Blogger done to me??

It's been so long since I've posted, and I was so excited to start getting caught up and post about our exciting summer, but I opened my blog and my background was gone, the page elements were all mixed up, and all was chaos. Then when I tried to fix it, by reverting to the classic template, I totally deleted all of my presets and personal info and kids pictures and everything! Can I scream even though my kids are all in bed? I'm so frustrated! I guess I get to spend the next week fixing up my blog, and then I'll tell all about our summer adventures. Might take me all month....Why can't programmers just leave well enough alone?? AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

A Walk with Christ, Faith, and Growth

This is the second year our stake has put on the "Walk with Christ". It's a huge undertaking, with months of preparation, prayers and work. They put on a "journey" through the stake center and through the life of Christ. The stake center is transformed and decorated with period details, costumes on guides and actors and the most beautiful paintings of the Savior you've ever seen. It starts with the nativity and the continues through His ministry, the Last Supper, the garden, the judgment, the crucifixion, the apostasy, the restoration and then ends with the "Reflections of Christ"slide show. Well, and of course, cookies and water in a beautifully decorated gym reminiscent of a Temple Square visitor's center afterward. It's a beautiful experience to walk through with your family and feel the Spirit and remember at Easter time what it's really about.

This year, I was asked to to serve with the Walk with Christ committee on this project, decorating the Last Supper room. The “calling” came at a time when I was overwhelmed and didn’t see how I could fulfill this assignment. Steve was working evenings on the campaign and not available, and with my children’s rigorous and rigid homework routines and their evening appointments and activities, and my calling as Stake YW president and our upcoming activities, it was a very daunting task that I almost declined, twice. I prayed and asked for help and to know if this was truly an inspired assignment for me at this time, and received a positive answer through my sleepless thoughts of how I would be able to make this work. Faces and pictures appeared in my mind. My mom and visiting teacher both volunteered to help with kids, and my amazing counselors took over the planning of our upcoming fireside. As I started talking about it, people gave me contacts, ideas, mental images, props and loaned much of their home décor to help me. So, with faith and trust in the Lord, many, many prayers, and hours of study and organizing, I went forward and accomplished a near-impossible task.

I heard Brother Winder (a good friend of ours who acted as one of my "Peters") on a couple of occasions talk about his experience in helping with this project. He said it was truly one of the most spiritual and life-changing experiences he’s ever had. No wonder I saw his face in my mind after prayer. The Lord really did use me as an instrument in His hands. Many people’s lives (in addition to my own) were touched and changed. I also got to accomplish a Faith Value Project in my Personal Progress book. My faith grew tremendously through this process and I relied on the Lord for inspiration and support, and He provided it at every turn.

In this experience, I learned that through faith and prayer anything is possible. More importantly, though, I also learned that the Lord knows what we can and can’t handle. Sometimes He places opportunities for growth in our path that may be hard, inconvenient and extremely taxing. I know that sometimes those opportunities can be turned down or passed by with little consequence. But, I learned that when we ask and the Lord makes a way possible for us to accomplish these hard, almost impossible tasks, we must continue to pray, trust, and do all in our power to do our best in what he asks of us. If we do, he really does make up the difference…. And gives us the power to make a difference.

Details...Details...
Here's how the "Last Supper Room" looked...

The view to the left as you walk in the room...

...and the right...

"Peter" was behind this table telling his story of the Last Supper and Jesus washing his and the other disciples' feet.

...And the left side as you exit into the Garden Room.

Time Flies

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've made a post on this blog again. I love doing this, so I am always frustrated when I realize how much time I've lost and how much catching up I have to do. Life (you know, like laundry, dishes, playing taxi, helping with homework, etc., etc.) gets in my way and I don't have time to keep my "journal" as current as I'd like to. Maybe it will be easier this summer...or maybe not. Hope to have some time to catch up this weekend...

Up To Our Eyeballs in Chocolate

"All I really need is love... But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." (Lucy Van Pelt from "Peanuts" by Charles M. Schultz)

For Valentiene's day, Rachel sold handmade chocolates to earn the last $600 for her American Heritage trip. She went through Grandma Dixon's boxes of chocolate molds (she used to have a business) and decided what she wanted to make. I created a brochure for her and Steve and I sent it out to about 100 people by email. Grandma also took some to work and put them in the teacher's lounge with some samples. Well, when all was said and done, she brought in $1,369 ($1126 after costs), made 24 chocolate bars, 237 trays of heart mints, 459 heart suckers, 95 circle suckers with colored hearts, and 19 candy dishes filled with another 57 trays of mints. Through the undying devotion and help of her mom, and pulling her first ever all-nighter, she pulled out almost twice as much money as she needed for her trip. I was amazed at how hard she worked and how supportive our friends and parents were with her project. Several people sent the email out to their friends, and others gave her donations above and beyond what they had bought. Although we were exhausted and still scraping chocolate off the kitchen counters, chairs and floor for days, we were so grateful and it was a great experience... for both of us.

...And as if I hadn't had enough fun with Rachel, I decided this was how Sarah would earn her tuition money for her week-long summer session of EFY in August. So, we started the process again, but this time with Easter Chocolates. I knew, going into it, that Sarah is not as self-motivated, and that she couldn't stay up late and give up her sleep, so we planned to work all day while she was home on Spring Break. But, because of timing troubles, we only got half of the orders that she needed. So, we extended the order deadline for another week and got twice as many orders as we had before. She had school the week we did the second half of her orders, so this project became more of mom's than Sarah's once she went back to school. But, we did it again, and Sarah earned all the money she needed to pay her tuition and pay back all the money she owed us from fall coed. In the end, Sarah earned $485, and we made 12 chocolate bunnies, 31 bunny suckers, 32 bags of mints, and 199 peanut-butter filled eggs with 87 of those personalized and decorated. The eggs were kind of my project, so Sarah did most of the other things while I worked on those. I put in a couple of late nights, but I was grateful we didn't get the larger orders like Rachel's project. It was scaled down perfectly for the need and the kid. So, with the money she had in her bank, Sarah is completely out of debt, and a free woman! She paid us back the money for her tuition and the money she owed for coed and still has enough money for camp and some spending cash for EFY. She's also been babysitting a lot, realizing that money is much more valuable to her than before. It was a good learning experience for her, too.

I had a moment of insanity (must have been the lack of sleep) while I was working on Sarah's eggs where I thought about what a wonderful little business this could be for my girls. They could do parties, weddings, holiday treats and do it in their own time, from home. My mom has all sorts of molds and we could find suppliers for the chocolate and molds at wholesale prices...my mind was spinning, thinking of how to market it and what we'd need to do to get it going. (I think my husband has finally converted me to the entrepreneurial way of thinking. It kind of spirals out of control once you get those thoughts in there). It sounded good until the next day when I started thinking about how much of my time would be swallowed up in "helping" them. Maybe if they ever want a stay at home job bad enough, I'll help them again, or, if I get bored and need something to do (hahaha...) once my kids are all in school, I could do it myself. Until then, we'll just keep it to making occasional birthday and holiday treats for the family and remember this wonderful experience with my girls where we worked toward financial goals together while we were up to our eyeballs in chocolate!

Job Security

In January, Steve accepted an offer for a part-time job working on U.S. Congressman Mike Simpson's re-election campaign. I call it job security, because that's who he works for in his full-time job. Since he started there in January of 2009, they learned that he was a hard worker, has a lot of connections in Southeast Idaho and obviously had a vested interest in the cause. Steve knew the extra money would be a blessing to help us reach our goal of getting out of debt, buy a few things that we needed (like a new refrigerator), and give him the opportunity to make even more connections in the political world. Besides believing his boss is by far the best man for the job, we kind of need to stay employed. So, after much talk of what that would require of me as the mommy suddenly losing much my incredible husband's help, and pledging my support in this endeavor, he took the job.

The past 3 months have been a little tumultuous in the campaign, as the lies began to fly early from the others running in the primary election against Mike. But after attending several events and a debate, Steve is feeling a little more comfortable with the chances of his boss winning the primary. He is enjoying his associations with the others involved, and is working hard to fulfill his commitments. On the home-front, my life has been crazy busy and it's been hard for me to not accept my husband's gentle kindness as he uncomplainingly takes over to let me fulfil my responsibilities. I realized one day as I looked at his tired, haggled, burdened expression that in recent weeks as he had been helping me with the family, he had not been able to give the campaign the attention that he should have been. I made him promise to be a little more selfish and let me know when work needed to be done so I could make other arrangements or skip some of my things to take care of the kids. So, we are now working together a little better with the arrangement of not having him so available to me. I'm working harder on asking others for help, learning to say no sometimes, and my life has slowed down a little. So, I think we will survive this.

On the upside, with our beginning bonus and tax return, we've payed off all our credit cards, and our only debt is now the house! We've bought a new refrigerator (and a treadmill), and are saving the rest of the the extra money for our trip to Alaska and to build up our food storage. We have prayed rather fervently for a long time to be blessed with ways to pay off our debts. I know the Lord answers the prayers of those who are trying to be obedient. Sometimes He doesn't make it very easy, but it's always there, and available to those who are willing to pay the price! ...And we are so grateful!

A Blast from the Past

In January, my friend Sally turned 40. Being a child of the 80's, she had 80's party to celebrate. We were supposed to dress in costume. As I was researching what acceptable 80's attire would be, it was pretty hilarious how ghastly some of those clothes were back then. I was kind of embarrassed that the clothes I wore were all in my own closet! Here's what we came up with...

Me and Steve - Go turtles!
We borrowed the mullet wig from the Miles. I was very surprised and happy that Steve played along so well.

Michelle a.k.a Olivia "getting physical"

Cherri in her 80's Prom dress and Jeremy
demonstrating "the sway"

Joe, Kassie & Jonathan
I loved Kassie's belted sweater, leg warmers and heels!

Showing some of that 80's preppy attitude. The flare jeans were kind of hard to peg, but I thought with the double opposite socks and canvas shoes I did pretty well!

Joe, Jason, Mindy, Sally, Del, Cherri, Jeremy & Steve
Michelle, Kassie, Jonathan and Me

We had treats and snacks, talked about all the crazy things we remembered from our teen years (childhood for some) and watched 80's music videos that Steve had downloaded to his laptop for our viewing pleasure. We sang along and laughed til our sides hurt. It was so much fun!

Addicted to Chocolate...

Okay, I had a little reality check a couple of weeks ago when I threw away another emptied large bag of m&ms. I was really upset at myself for having absolutely no self-control, and did some searching for help on lds.org. Most of the articles were pretty specific about certain kinds of addictions, but there was one that helped me get a little perspective. I wrote an article for our Dixon Family Newsletter sharing my feelings. It really sums up what I was thinking...

As I stepped on the scale this morning to weigh-in for The Dixon Girls’ Biggest Loser, I thought back through the week and realized three things about myself. 1) There is something seriously wrong with my calorie intake/burn ratio. 2) Eating most of a 13 oz. bag of m&ms in two days or 7 brownies at a time is not normal. 3) I have an addiction to chocolate. I know this sounds kind of funny, and I’ve been known to admit it lightheartedly, but I started thinking about my obvious lack of self-restraint, and it made me feel really bad about myself. In my mind, addiction is an obsession that causes us to neglect things of greater importance. When we think of addiction, we usually think of drugs, alcohol, pornography, or gambling. But, I believe that addiction can also apply to things like food, television, shopping, politics, Face book, or anything that we find ourselves so involved in or with that we lose control over our bodies, time, or priorities, and it hurts to change our behavior.

I found a talk by Elder Robert D. Hales that really hit me in the heart when I read it. Here’s some of what he said: “I speak to all whose freedom to choose has been diminished by the effects of ill-advised choices of the past. I speak specifically of choices that have led to...addictions...that diminish one’s sense of self-worth. We must turn to the Lord and follow His commandments. We must want more than anything else to change our lives so that we can break the cycle of our uncontrolled wants. Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality. Let me assure you that your situation is not beyond the reach of our Savior. Through Him, every struggle can be for our experience and our good. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure. We must remember that the adversary knows us extremely well. He knows where, when, and how to tempt us. If we are obedient to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, we can learn to recognize the adversary’s enticements. Our success is never measured by how strongly we are tempted but by how faithfully we respond. We must ask for help from our Heavenly Father and seek strength through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ.” (Ensign, May 2009)

I thought about that and realized that because I am a child of God who loves me, and because He gave me this body which he expects me to have control of, and because what I want and feel matters to Him, I can turn to Him with this struggle, too. I must ask for help, and then do whatever I can myself, relying on His strength to sustain me. Mom told me she’d joked about giving up chocolate for Lent. I decided today that I don’t have to give it up temporarily, or even forever. I just have to “gather my wits” again, and exercise and strengthen my self-control. With God’s help, I know I can make weak things become strong.

Snowshoeing with Bryson

In January, Bryson's fourth grade class went snowshoeing at the Mink Creek Nordic Center near Pocatello. Steve took the day off so I could go with Bryson's class. We had such an amazing time together. I borrowed snow gear from my sister-in-law, and for the first time in my life in Idaho, I was actually warm while being in the snow all day. First, we gathered in the yurt for instruction and then got our snowshoes. They were a lot different than we expected, nothing like the "tennis rackets" we expected from watching cartoons. We went on a hike (about 3 miles round-trip) over hills, through gullies, and across fields. The guide stopped often enough that we didn't get too tired, and taught little nature lessons throughout the hike. We also played hide and seek in a gully. It was so fun, so beautiful, and we had such a good time together. My little Bryson was such a trooper. He just kept going with an energy I hadn't seen in him before. I think it had something to do with being in nature. It must have energized him.

Trudging down the trail

Rabbit tracks in the snow Bryson spotted in a clearing

Bryson's class

A tree-chair we just HAD to try out

After the hike, we went back to the yurt and had lunch. Then we went back outside and the grown-ups (the old tired adults) watched the kids play games in the snow... tundra, fox and geese, and capture the flag. The grown-ups were actually recruited for the last game, and that's when I was exhausted. Imagine a 37 year-old, running through the snow in snow bibs and boots trying to catch 10 year-old boys... Yeah. I was pretty sore. But, it was a glorious day and such a great time with my Bryson boy!