A Car Wash, Butterfly and Two Life Lessons

Yesterday, we decided it was about time we washed our filthy cars. They're big cars... a blazer and suburban. The neighbor commented about how great it was that the whole family was helping since they're such big cars. Really, we thought it would be good to work together to teach our children that working together can be fun and that it helps get the work done faster, but I think there was a lot more playing going on than working. We did have fun, and all the kids were soaked. While the suburban was getting rinsed, a beautiful tiger swallowtail butterfly landed right on the wet hood. Its delicate wings immediately stuck to the water on the hood and it was trapped. The kids all started yelling and Steve came over to see what was going on. The butterfly was fighting with all it had ("freaking out" was what Joshua called it) to get free from that wet hood. Steve carefully put his finger by its front legs and it climbed onto his finger. He gently put it on a plant in the sun to dry. The poor butterfly kept trying to flap its wings, but one was so wet it stayed stuck to the leaf for a long time.

After about 15 minutes, its wings were dry, and it crawled to the shady underside of the leaf. I imagine it was recovering from its exhausting ordeal and trying to "catch its breath". After about another half hour, it crawled to the top, and spread its wings and flew away. We saw another one in the back yard later (when we were "having fun" weeding the garden) and Bryson was sure it was the same one coming back to thank us for helping.

Life Lesson #1: When Steve and I were wiping down the windows of the car, we opened the doors and wiped out the inside as well. I was amazed at how disgustingly dirty the windows were in the back seats and that I hadn't even noticed how filthy the car was inside until the outside was clean. We talked about how when things gradually get dirty, you don't even notice just how gross it was until it's clean again. Kind of like life... sometimes we worry more about what our outsides are like, and forget to take a look inside of our minds and our hearts and don't really realize just how neglected and dirty it is in there. If every little smudge, dust speck, and sticky fingerprint is allowed to settle and find a home, pretty soon you're awfully dirty and haven't even noticed. It reminded me how important it is to prepare myself to take the Sacrament each week. It's like a car wash. Well, more like a full professional car detail, actually. Everything wiped clean, sparkling and vacuumed out...even in the tiniest cracks. Add a little air freshener smelling of humility and gratitude, and you can't feel much better than that.

Life Lesson #2: I thought about that poor butterfly and how absolutely panic-stricken it must have been when it landed on the hood and immediately recognized its mistake. Sometimes we do things that seem like a good idea at the time, but immediately realize it wasn't a very good idea. Sometimes we panic, trying our hardest to get free, and the only way we can escape is by the hand that reaches out to our aid. The only way He can help us though, is if we trust Him, and step up on His finger where He can move us to a safe place. Sometimes our struggles are because of our poor judgment or bad choices. However, the kinds of struggles that are hardest for me to just climb on and trust Him are the ones that are simply a product of mortal circumstances. I know that He has the ability to put me in a warm, safe place to dry out and wait until I'm able to fly again. He has done that for me over and over again. But there are those few minutes, where I somehow forget what He can do, and just "freak out", trying so hard to make it on my own, and wear myself out. I learned something important from that butterfly yesterday. It didn't even hesitate to step onto Steve's finger. It may have been instinct, or it may have been desperation, but that butterfly knew what needed to happen to be saved. I hope that in these struggles of mortality, when the Lord's finger appears in my path again, that I will be willing to just step out and trust Him to lead me to the sunshine to rest until I am whole and can fly again.

Happy Birthday, America!

I thought it would be appropriate to take a second to share my thoughts and feelings about being blessed beyond measure to be an American and enjoy living in this incredible nation. I am grateful for the God-fearing visionaries who traveled across the ocean into this untamed land to start a new life. I am grateful for their faith-filled wives and daughters that wanted a place to raise their children worshiping the God they loved. I am grateful for the men that fought for the freedoms they hoped to gain by starting a new life here. I am grateful for the men and boys who died fighting and sacrificed all to ensure our freedom and independence. I am grateful for the men who, as instruments in God's hands, stood up for what they believed in and built this incredible country. And, I am grateful beyond expression for the men and women who continue to fight today. To keep us safe. To keep us free. To allow us to continue worshiping our God who blesses us abundantly in this great land. God bless America!

The First Day of the Rest of Her Life

So my sweet little Sarah, my fist born baby girl, graduated from high school on Thursday, June 2nd. It was an incredible occasion, celebrating her life, her accomplishments and her dedication to her education (especially this past year). As I thought about her experiences in high school, part of me longed for things to have been different. For her to have been healthy and felt good every day. For her to have had lots of really good friends. For her to have been involved in so many things, she didn't have time to study. Then, as I reflected on the things she's been through, especially in high school, I was so grateful that she recovered from the trauma of her PLE her sophomore year and became someone who was happy, well adjusted, loved to learn, smiled often, and accomplished so much, despite how awful she felt when she got up each morning. In so many ways, Sarah is my hero. I can't describe how grateful I am for her example of long-suffering and patience in her struggles.

Just look at that smile!

Here's the proof!

Grandpa and Grandma Brown came from Utah to celebrate with us.

Grandma and Grandpa Dixon were also very proud of our girl.

She had a sort of break-down after graduation when we got home after commencement. She spent a lot of time talking with her daddy (she's always been a daddy's girl) and expressed her fears of the future. She wants to be a kindergarten teacher when she grows up, but doesn't know how, when or where she should accomplish that. She also really wants to be a wife and mother, but has so much that she needs to figure out before she's ready for that. It's scary... looking down the road, and not knowing for sure if the pathway you want to take is the one that leads to where you want to end up. Like she said, this is the only life she's ever known... going to school and learning each day. Now the possibilities are endless and sometimes frightening. But, like everything else in her life, she has started walking forward (even on swollen ankles) and headed down the path toward the "rest of her life".

First Friday Art Walk (in April)

Sarah and Rachel were invited by the owners of Alston Ink in downtown Pocatello to be their featured "artists" at the First Friday Art Walk on April 1st. They were invited by Stephanie and Neal Alston shortly after the article appeared in the paper about Rachel using her chocolate business to earn money for her leadership conference. Sarah and Rachel spent hours during the last week of March making mints for free samples and a whole bunch of peanut butter filled eggs, bunny suckers and solid chocolate bunnies. They set up a cute display at the front of the store and waited for people to stop and try (and hopefully buy) their chocolates.

They learned very quickly that you have to be pro-active to get people to stop and talk to you. A friendly smile just doesn't cut it. (Rachel was pretty used to it from the Chocolate Extravaganza, but we made Sarah sit on the outside until she invited ten people to try some free chocolate.) We also learned that the purpose of the Art Walk, besides to get recognition and business for local artists, is to give people in the community an opportunity to spend some time downtown and learn about the shops and stores there. Here's where Stephanie graciously stepped in and took over. She was wonderful. She obviously knew what she was doing, and stopped many people to brag about "these two high school students that have their own business of handmade chocolates". It was a great tactic. Most adults were impressed by my beautiful little entrepreneurs, and at least tried the mints and congratulated them on their business venture. A few even recognized Rachel from the article in the paper. Many people loved the mints so much they also bought Easter treats. Then, Stephanie would ask them if they've ever been in her shop and invited them in to show them around. The girls and I ended up having a nice time together, and Stephanie invited them back later in the summer, when business would be slow. We'll see if they're up for that again. They're not sure, but earning $76 in one evening was pretty nice!

Hard Decisions

When I was younger, I hated having to make decisions. The good vs. bad ones were pretty easy. It was the good vs. good that were the hardest. Those are the times I wish I could be in two places at once. My wise mother used to advise me to make those decisions with an eternal perspective. She would ask, "In ten or twenty years, or after you've died, what will matter most?" That usually helped me decide which good thing was the one I should do. Now, as an adult, the choices have gotten a little harder. For example, do you choose between your daughters or your son? Do you spend quality time with your girls at the Brown Girls' retreat with extended family (Grandma, aunts and cousins), or go with your son on his 5th grade cross-country skiing field trip? What if you promised your daughters you'd take them, and told your son you were excited to go skiing with him when it was time, only to find out a week later that both events fell on the same day? The days prior to March 4, 2011 were filled with much contemplation and near-agony for me. They brought me to one of those hard decisions I hate. Prayer didn't seem to help in this case, because either choice was a good one. Relying on Steve to fill in for me didn't help, because he had meetings he couldn't get out of. I even tried to figure out how to do both, but the events overlapped several hours, and just really couldn't work it out. So, I was stuck, making a good vs. good decision, and even my mother's eternal perspective trick didn't seem to help.

Ultimately, I decided to take the girls. I had promised them, afterall, and they had been looking forward to the time out with the "girls" for weeks. My sweet Bryson, with his very unselfish spirit, understood; just as I knew he would. He was disappointed, but he realized what I did... that I couldn't break my promise to his sisters. I had a wonderful time with the girls, and Bryson called me right after school to tell me all about his fun time.

Brown Girls weekend... we made cards, button rings, and wooden nativities for Christmas gifts. We talked, played "Just Dance" on the wii (that was hilarious), and watched a movie. We laughed, ate Korean food for dinner and went to bed way too late. The next day, we worked on more cards, lounged around in our jammies til noon, and ate more yummy food. I had my first taste of Cafe Rio (and loved it) and made some special memories with my daughters and my other wonderful sisters, aunt and mom. It was so fun, and always a treasured time together.

Cross-Country Skiing... Bryson found a friend and his dad to hang out with for the day and they had a wonderful time. They had a nice day, and the weather was nice enough that he stayed warm. He said they saw some pretty things at the Nordic Center and played some fun games. He liked cross-country skiing, but it was harder than he thought it would be. He liked the snow shoeing that we did last year a little better. He was happy, and very, very tired.

When the weekend was over, I realized that it was what it was, and once it was over, things were okay, and would have been, no matter what I would have chosen. Sometimes the outcome doesn't matter so much as how the decision and follow-through are executed. I've decided though, the hard decisions that matter, the good vs. good ones, that make a difference to someone one way or the other, the ones where there's no compromise, no divine direction, and no difference in the eternal importance... I still really hate making those.

Vegetables and My Weight Watchers Weirdness

Being a lifetime member of Weight Watchers has done some weird things to me. Like getting so excited about a 4-PointsPlus breakfast filled to the brim with so many power foods that I had to take a picture of it!

1 egg (2PP), 3 egg whites (1PP), nonstick cooking spray, spinach, zucchini, sweet mini peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions and less than 1/4 cup of fat free cheddar cheese (1PP). It was so delicious... a masterpiece, even!

Vegetables are a main part of my new outlook on life. Although I spent much of my childhood being careful that my vegetables didn't touch my other food, I often mix them in on purpose! One of my favorite ways to eat mashed potatoes these days is to mash over-cooked cauliflower instead and then add just a 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes and 1 or 2 Tbls. of instant potato flakes together. They're a little wet, but taste really yummy and I can get away with eating a whole lot more of that vitamin and fiber infused mash than the fluffy white stuff my family eats. I also stirred in a bunch of spinach with my spaghetti last week. It looked really gross, but I honestly felt that it improved the taste. I prefer zucchini, mushrooms and spinach to noodles in my lasagna, now. I often provide two vegetables with our dinners now, and eat a fruit and at least one vegetable with my lunches, but haven't figured out how to slip veggies into my kids breakfasts yet. I spend most of my time at the grocery store in the produce aisle and curse whoever is responsible for selling bell peppers at $1.39 each and tomatoes at $2.79 a pound. I think I've finally grown up and learned to appreciate the virtues of vegetables. I just need to figure out how to help my kids and husband love them, too!

Young Women Broadcast... Live!

As Sarah was approaching her last few months in Young Women's, I felt like I needed to seize the opportunity to take the girls to Salt Lake to the Young Women Broadcast and see it live. I've wanted to for the past few years, but as a stake leader, felt like we needed to stay here and support local viewing and dessert... looking back, I'm really not sure why, but just never did it. Well, not having that reason anymore, I decided it was something we just HAD to do, and since Steve agreed with me, we just did it!

I arranged with the Stake Presidency to get tickets and we took a Saturday trip to Salt Lake on March 26th. The girls had decided to take turns riding in the front and choosing the music. We sang along, laughed and talked non-stop the whole way. We stopped along the way at Kim's Fashions in Layton (to buy $3 earring/necklace sets) and then to the Olive Garden for lunch. Rachel and Sarah both had raviolis (Sarah had portabella and Rachel had cheese), and I had the Venetian apricot grilled chicken (only 6 WW PlusPoints and so delicious!) We went over to the Layton Hills Mall to shop, but after Rachel spent all her money at the first store, we just walked around to see what a real mall looked like.

When we got to Salt Lake, we spent a long time looking for a place to park, and then walked to Temple Square. We tried to visit the Relief Society Building, but it was closed. The girls (in anticipation of a beautiful "spring" day) weren't dressed warm enough for the cloudy, windy, cool weather, so we didn't wander as far as we had originally planned. We walked over to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and saw the "hats" display they had in there. We rode the elevator to the top and took some great pictures. We also walked through the family history center. I think the girls were impressed.

The Salt Lake Temple and the Conference Center from the top floor of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building

My beautiful daughters and the temple

We went over to the Conference center and got our tickets and decided to just change clothes and wait inside for the hour and a half until the meeting started. We ended up with amazing seats--being there so early, and enjoyed the time to sit and relax for a while. I loved the value-colored banners they had hung by the organ pipes with the three symbols (laurel wreath, rose, and beehive) on them. The touches like those and the beautiful spring flowers and grasses behind the podium created such a great atmosphere for such a special meeting.

The Conference Center. We loved the YW banners hanging above the doors. Such a nice touch that made the girls feel so special and important!

We were only about 14 rows back, on the side where the Prophet enters and exits. We were so excited to be sitting so close we could see actually see the wrinkles on his face when he smiled!

The meeting was so great. It is so different being there, watching it live, and feeling the spirits of all those beautiful daughters of God surrounding you. The love emanating from those beautiful General Young Women leaders was almost tangible. I love the videos they show in the middle of the broadcast that depict the righteousness and virtue of beautiful young women living the gospel all over the world. I have such a soft spot in my heart for these sweet daughters of God and my eyes often swell with tears of gratitude when I hear of my girls and others keeping the commandments and living the gospel so steadfastly. When the meeting was over, and President Monson and his counselors left, he spent quite a while waving at all those sweet girls. Then I was overcome with gratitude, and with tears streaming down my face, I testified of his calling and told the girls that I hoped they understood how blessed they are to have this gospel...to have the direction and resources they need to navigate this crazy world. There are so many around them that don't even know who they are, let alone why they're here or where they're going. After that, I hugged them each for a long time and told them how much I appreciate their goodness and example and that they wanted to be there with me. Oh, how I love my sweet daughters. I am so honored and grateful to be their mother.

It was funny, walking quickly down the sidewalk back to our car, we noticed that all those girls, moms and leaders (including us) were waking arm in arm or hand in hand, like they felt a closeness that they didn't want to let go of. We hurried to the car (it started raining) and headed home. Sarah rationed the Cadbury Mini-eggs (simply protecting me and Rachel from ourselves) and then went to sleep, and Rachel sat in the front seat with me and played DJ as we talked. The snow storm on the way home was interesting. As we went over the Malad pass, we had horizontal snow clusters coming right at us. Visibility was almost zero, so I slowed to a mere 35mph and followed the tail lights of the car in front of us, hoping that driver could see better than I could. We made it safely home, and went to bed tired, happy, and grateful.