Brown Family Highlights: 2013

• Sarah had a heart transplant and now has a perfect Angel heart. We are so grateful for another’s unselfish decision that gave her a second chance at life. She is doing amazingly well and is happy and healthy.
• Rachel spent two weeks in Iwamizawa, Japan as part of the Sister City Youth Delegation. She loves to travel and had the time of her life. She also spent a week at EFY in Provo last summer.
• Bryson learned to swim. He used to hate the water, and now can swim the whole 100 yards required to pass his Boy Scout swim test.
• Joshua is learning to play the drums. (Thankfully for us, though, he’s still using a nice, quiet practice pad.) His ever-present curiosity never ceases to amaze us.
• Nathan was baptized last month. He loves being eight, and tries really hard to make good choices. He was also excited to be a cub scout.
• Steve and Julia kept this great family as happy and sane as possible during our crazy year. We’re so grateful for the love of so many that supported us in so many ways through such a difficult time.

We have all grown and learned so much through all of our experiences this year. We are thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and merciful Savior whose tender mercies and loving grace gave us the strength to stretch and grow into the people we are now.

As we reflect on the past year, we just feel so much gratitude.

Love. Hope. Family. Faith. Joy.

Merry Christmas! Our Year in Review...

Merry Christmas! We've had a wonderfully full year with lots of excitement, stress, fun & happy moments, an amazing family vacation, and much busy-ness. It's been a great year, and we're so very grateful for the incredible blessings, love and growing experiences we've received thorough our Heavenly Father.

Steve combined his direct mail business with political consulting, and made a little extra money in his "spare" time. He had about 5 clients in the primary election, and increased that to 12 in the general. He had a wonderful experience working with these amazing people, and making enough money to pay off debt and take our family to California. He still works for US Congressman Mike Simpson, and serves on the Pocatello City Council and several other state and community boards. I'm so proud of him and the way he puts himself out there to try to make a difference. He was also called to serve in the High Priest Group leadership in our ward a few months ago.

I (Julia) finished up my first year as an aide in 3rd grade at my boys' charter school and loved it. I've also kept myself busy being the mom the rest of the time. That's the job I love most of all and am so grateful to be able to work where my youngest kids are, and be home when they all are. I've been serving as a counselor in the Relief Society presidency, which takes a little more time, but I've loved the opportunity to serve and have really grown to love the ladies in our new ward.

Sarah's life has been kind of turned upside down and put on "hold" for a bit. She has undergone evaluation for a heart and liver transplant the last four months. Her health has held steady, but has had many more trips to the hospital for IV protein infusion therapy this year. Between those, her regular checkups, and the evaluation tests, we have been at Primary Children's or the University of Utah hospital about twice a month for 2 to 6 days at a time. We've put a lot of miles on the car, but it's been a good experience to spend that time with her as Steve and I take turns going down Salt Lake. Right now, we're waiting for a final listing decision from the heart team. (You can read a LOT more and stay updated on her new blog: www.sarahssecondchance.net) She works (when she can) at an Allstate Insurance agency as a customer service specialist, making birthday calls and helping the receptionists and agents. She loves her job and they are so very good to her. It's like another family. Her other new love is her singles ward. She has felt so much love and support through her health struggles from so many amazing new friends. They are awesome and we love them!

Rachel is a junior in high school this year. Her AP classes have put a dent in her social life, but she manages to keep everything in check. She was selected to travel with the Japan Sister City youth delegation next Summer and has begun learning the Japaneese language and customs. She's also been busy with her chocolate business (www.sweet-treets.blogspot.com) and other fundraising opportunities to pay for her trip. She turned 16 this year, and loves driving and dating! Friends are among her top priorities and because of the kind of friend she is, she has many. Rachel still plays the piano whenever she's home, teaches piano lessons, and has begun writing music and teaching herself to play the guitar.

Bryson is doing very well in life these days. He loves his scout troop and goes camping every month with them. (He's not real fond of the winter camping, but has learned to enjoy it enough.) He has been taking swimming lessons, which he really loves, but still loves drawing the most. He is in 7th grade (still at the charter school) this year, and has amazing teachers who are helping him grow and be successful. He loves serving in his Priesthood quorum and has really come alive with all these boys and new friends in our ward.

Joshua is 4th grade now, and still loves inventing, building and drawing. He is a great helper and right-hand man for his daddy in fixing things and working in the yard. He even learned to mow the lawn this fall. He loves to be outside and seems to really enjoy gardening. (I have no idea where he got that!) He's a good little helper and works hard to the bitter end. When he's outside, he also climbs trees, builds forts and traps, and fishes the guck out of the pond. (He built a pretty cool contraption to do this with.)

Nathan turned 7 this year and started 1st grade. He is becoming a great reader and loves being at school all day. He's our master of disguise and comic relief. He also loves to draw, build with legos, and play with his brothers or his best friend around the corner. He is still my sweet "baby", although he's not a baby anymore. He's rebelled a little that I suddenly realized how old he is and expect him to be a big boy and do 7 year-old things by himself now. It's so unfair. (Who knew it would be so hard to allow the youngest one to grow up?) He is a sweetheart though, and I still love to cuddle him. :)

The highlight of our year was our family vacation in November to California. We felt like we really needed to have a family-focused trip together before Sarah's transplant, and Steve worked extra hard to earn the money to pay for it. We went to the Oceanside beach and pier, San Diego temple, Mormon Battalion Visitor's Center, Mission Bay park, San Diego Botanic Gardens, Sea World, Universal Studios, Disneyland, and Disney's California Adventure. What a packed and wonderful week! We had so much fun together. It was so great to be focused on each other, watch the wonder in the younger kids eyes, see the smiles pasted on faces all week, and just not "worry" about anything all week. We have so many great memories to hang onto through the rough patches that are sure to come through Sarah's transplant.

We end this year in reflection with much gratitude for all the blessings that have come to us through our struggles and triumphs. We are most grateful for our health, our home, and our knowledge of a Heavenly Father and Savior who love us. We are so grateful for our family and friends, those who support and sustain us through the good and hard times. We love each of you, and pray that the Lord will also bless you abundantly in the coming year.

A New Blog

I thought I better take a minute and explain my absence the past few months. We started heart transplant evaluations for Sarah a few months ago. Life has been crazy hectic since then, with all of  Sarah's appointments and Steve's political consulting business. Many of you already know about our new blog documenting Sarah's transplant journey, but for those that don't, here's the link to Sarah's Second Chance. I've been much more diligent posting on that blog, as that has been the focus of our lives lately, and our source of communication to close friends and family. I hope to someday get caught up and post here about all the fun, happy, and amazing events of all my children's lives, but it might be a while before I get there. Just know that we're hanging in there and striving daily to keep the faith and come through this triumphantly! (Thanks for all the prayers!)

First Day of School - Fall 2011

Fist day of school for the boys always comes faster than we want it to. Summers at our charter school are shorter, allowing kids to retain more skills and knowledge and giving us more time off for breaks during the school year. We love it, but wish it lined up with the the school district a little better. It's always hard going school though, knowing the big sister is laying in bed being lazy.

So, here are my handsome boys on their first day of school, August 2011...

Joshua, 3rd Grade

Bryson, 6th Grade

Nathan, Kindergarten

...And the big sister, on her first day of school, a couple of weeks later.

Rachel, Sophomore

Working Mom

About a year ago last spring, I was asking about openings at the school, looking for part-time work, hoping to be able to augment our income to help even out the deficits caused by owning two homes and not very reliable renters. At the time, the only position that was open was one that would require me to work all day, a couple days a week. With Nathan being only in kindergarten, I didn't see how that would work very well for our family. We prayed about it, and decided it just wasn't time yet, and we needed to trust in Heavenly Father (since He led us here in the first place) and trim the budget wherever we could.

Then, later that summer, when I dropped Joshua off for summer reading program, the vice-principal asked me if I was interested in a part-time job at the school as a morning aide in one of the classrooms. I went home and talked to Steve about it again. We prayed again, and decided that this fit into our lives better, and wouldn't cause too much stress for me or our family. (I am first, and foremost a mother, and I love being able to be home with my kids!) So, I interviewed and got the job! We felt like it was a blessing and answer to our prayers.

I was blessed to be assigned to 3rd Grade, to work with Mrs. Mary Harris, one of the most amazing teachers I know. She teaches kids to be responsible, holds them accountable, and empowers them to be the best they can be. Their motto in 3rd grade is "If you don't get it today, you might get it tomorrow. But only if you try." As the year progressed, I learned to really love Mrs. Harris. We became very good friends as we struggled through her mother's stroke and Sarah's illness together. We work well together, and agree on almost everything, including how to raise kids and having unwavering faith in God as our strength. She is an amazing teacher, but also a wonderful friend, whom I gained much respect for and support from.

Fast forward... in retrospect... 

Nearing the end of the school year, the other aide left and I was given the opportunity to work more hours. That helped financially, but it also meant more time away in the afternoon working and in the evenings doing the things I couldn’t do during the day…  I have since discovered that during that time, I was kind of on autopilot, whatever event, chore, or concern filled my life at the moment is what received my attention.

I love my job, but that 8-week experience taught me that there is nothing more important to me than being home. I discovered that my presence in the afternoon and evenings really does matter in my family. Did they survive? Yes. Are they unchanged? No, not really. Through this experience we all changed, and I’m grateful that we had an opportunity this summer to regroup and refocus on what really matters most and, working together to make our home and family what we want it to be, even when Mommy is working.

Costume Change Artist

There are so many things I need to blog about, and to catch up on, but I just uploaded a bunch of pictures and HAD to share. Our little Nathan is the world's best 6 year-old costume designer. Instead of trying to figure out what to do every afternoon, he spends his days deciding what to be.... Nathan lived a couple years of his young life as a pirate (seriously, every single day), and then a scarecrow for a while, and then back to a pirate. Well, he's now added a few other passions and possibilities to his list of "what to be when I grow up". Let's hope he settles on something profitable and responsible someday, before he's a husband and father!

Pierre... the mime. Or, sometimes Pierre... L'artiste de Francais!

Chef... Boyardee... uh, Nate!

A clown. He put this costume together ALL by himself. Rachel and Sarah hate clowns—they think they're scary. So, his favorite clown thing to do is to run after them, hide and jump out, and scare them. Good thing he hasn't seen Stephen King's "IT".

Superman (Love the addition of the red underwear to complete the costume!)

Shepherd in the Christmas program... this is the only costume I've EVER told him to put on. :)

This one is an old one (Christmas 2009) but still one of my favorites.

Scarecrow.... outstanding in his field.

This is proof that he literally LIVED in that costume. No matter what we were doing, and no matter where we were going, he was Nathan the Pirate...always.

National Honor Society

At the beginning of October last fall, Rachel was inducted into Century High School's chapter of National Honor Society. I came home from Utah (while Sarah was in the hospital) on the Salt Lake Express to surprise Rachel. I wanted it to be a complete surprise, but we had to tell her ahead of time. She was really, really sad that we weren't there, and must have thought we didn't care enough about her to be there for her too. When she started making plans to go with her friend and her parents, we decided we needed to just tell her. In retrospect, I see that we made a mistake about surprising her. We should have just planned with her from the beginning for me to be there. She went through a lot of agony dealing with her feelings about it all.

That aside, it was a happy reunion when I came home to be with the kids, and we all went to Rachel's induction. I was so proud of her and am so impressed with what a wonderful student she is and how much she loves learning. Her talents and abilities astound me. 

 

My little sister used to always say how much she hated when people said she "has so much potential", as if she wasn't living up to what she could be now.... But, I think they simply meant that they could see so much in her that could prove to be nothing short of amazing as she grew and developed. I see that in my incredible daughter... so much potential, and nothing short of an amazing woman in the future. Love her so much!

Hopspital Photo Ops

When Sarah was in the hospital in September and October, we tried to find things that would brighten her room and bring a little joy and light to her life. Here are some of the things we enjoyed most while "trapped" in our "sterile" boredom...

 

Sarah and I painted her windows to improve the view and brighten her room. (Housekeeping didn't really like this, so we only did it during our first stay. It was so cute though, and did make her smile!)

Sarah listened to music... and slept... a lot.

We put together puzzles and played games from the playroom. We dragged a few of our favorite games from home, too, when we realized we might be there a while.

Sarah and I added a Cricut to our list of wants... Sarah's Aunt Susie and her cousin Toni took the day off work and came to play with paper and they made darling decorations for her window! The time passed so quickly and she had a wonderful time!

We cuddled...

... and smiled, as often as possible. When it didn't seem possible at the moment, then we looked for specific reasons to smile.

Facebook, Skype, texting and the telephone were lifelines to the "outside" world. (I think she was actually ordering her dinner or lunch in this picture, but we did spend a lot of time talking to people who love her!)

A Hawaiian Luau, complete with grass skirt and flower lei....

Upon hearing that she wouldn't be heading home (yet again), a few of her wonderful aunts in Utah threw together a luau in her honor. 4 Aunts, 1 Uncle, and a handful of cousins surprised her with a little tropical get away in the 3rd floor conference room.

...And a surprise visit from her best friend, Autumn.

Reading, listening to music, and watching the "smileys" do their tricks. Sarah got one of these little guys on her breakfast tray every morning holding a card with a silly little joke on it. They became a highlight, as she would share her jokes with the phlebotomists that came to draw her blood every morning at the crack of dawn. Her brothers loved hearing them each time we talked too. Steve was entertained for a moment each day by adding another little "smiley" to her collection. They got pretty tricky by the time we went home!

Had to do just one more puzzle with Mom before heading home. (It does take more than a few hours to finally leave once they give the word!) Doesn't she look great? That's a real smile, now!

Since I've been gone...

I sit here looking at my blog, and although I know I've been somewhat neglectful, I can't believe it's really been two months since I last wrote. Getting back into my "business as usual" life wasn't quite as easy as I thought it would be. After being at the hospital with Sarah, my routine was all messed up, and I was totally out of sync. Jumping back in with both feet seemed the easiest way to get back into life, but for some reason it seemed impossible to actually keep up. There are things that can be put on the back burner for a little while (like blogging, reading, and deep cleaning), and things that have to have your attention (like children, mealtime, dishes, laundry, dirty toilets and more laundry). So, once I felt like I was getting on top of at least the latter again and finding my "groove", then we started preparations for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's a wonderful time of year, and as I cut out extra (and seemingly unimportant) stressers, we had a very nice holiday month all together with a healthier daughter, five happy kids, and two very grateful and happy parents. I'll try to catch up soon on the happenings since we've all been back together, but I won't make any promises, because I never know when something else is going to creep in and take over.

All Hallow's Eve... Beginning Five Days Early

Halloween this year was exciting for some, stressful for one, and just plain great for me! :)

Steve was elected (since he was the parent at home with the kids that week) to prepare Halloween Costumes for the kids this year. We always do homemade ones, unless we get lucky. This year we were lucky on a couple, and had one very special one to create. I was at the hospital with Sarah the week of the Ward trunk-or-treat, so the costume department turned to the Father this year to get everything done five days before Halloween. He did such a wonderful job, I've decided he's in charge every year. I promised not to make him do it all alone, during an election, and with a daughter in the hospital again, but I loved that he did so great...and I didn't have to!

Nathan was a Skeleton Pirate. Two of his favorite things combined. We were lucky on this one. We had the skeleton costume from when the other boys were younger, and he lives every other day of the year in the pirate costume. He was creative, and we were lucky. :)

Bryson wanted to be the Grim Reaper for Halloween this year. I got really lucky on this one. My super sweet sister-in-law, Valarie, sewed him the cloak for his birthday and sent it to him the week before so I wouldn't have to worry about it, and he wouldn't have to settle for something else. He was so very excited! Steve added the sickle and the make-up (and some warm black sweat pants).

This was the special costume that had to be created. It was kind of a stress to get it done in time, but Joshua absolutely loved putting his own "parts" on the front from his workbench collection of torn-apart electronics. I loved the aluminum foil hat. He won "most creative costume" at the trunk-or-treat and reacted as if he had won the lottery!

Here's Rachel's version of a hippie. She put it all together herself, and in my opinion, looks way too cute to really pass for one of those greasy flower children of the 60's. 

Sarah and I got to come home from the hospital the next day, so we were excited to participate in the actual Halloween traditions.

On Sunday afternoon, we carved a pumpkin (that we grew in our very own garden), and on Monday after homework and dinner were done, I took the three boys trick-or-treating like we used to as kids. In the past, we've always had the trunk-or-treat on Halloween in the afternoon, and then just walked to a few of our closest neighbors, and drove to see a few widows in our ward and our Grandmas. That's always been enough candy, so Halloween night we just stay home. This year, with the trunk-or-treat five days before, Nathan was all out of candy by Halloween, so we just HAD to go again! (Plus, Joshua and Bryson were feeling yucky at the trunk-or-treat, so they didn't get much that night.) We bundled up and I dragged the boys around our new neighborhood to collect candy. They said it was fun, and they liked trick-or-treating. Rachel went with some friends in their neighborhood (I know, she's too old, but she hasn't ever really gone trick-or-treating, either!).

In retrospect, I've decided it's a really weird holiday, with really dumb traditions. I mean, what parent  that considers themselves a "pretty good parent" would ever allow their children to go around the neighborhood, talking to strangers, begging for candy in disguise, and not even expect them to say "please"? I never did before, but it sure was fun to show the kids the way I used to do Halloween!

Re-do and Expound

One thing I've learned about myself is I often break the promises I make to my blog. I never re-did or expounded on the last two posts while we were at the hospital with Sarah. We got to come home, and then life happened, and I just can't seem to find the time to do the things I want to do, like follow through. I guess that's what moments like this are for... putting everything else on hold, ignoring everything else that needs/wants your attention, and spending a few minutes listening to Jon Schmit play beautiful music in your speakers while you reflect, and catch up on your "me" time a bit. :)

On October 27th, I posted a short post about the basics of what happened that day. "We met Dr. Lynn Gershan, the medical director of Pediatric Integrative Services, and Dr. Rafael Firszt, the immunologist."

Dr. Gershan is basically PCMC's doctor of alternative medicine. She came in and talked with Sarah to assess her needs, and then spent some time the next two days doing treatments and helping her learn some new coping mechanisms. She explained that sometimes kids (especially those with critical and long-term illnesses) don't necessarily need more medicine or surgery. Sometimes their minds and bodies can help heal themselves by simply teaching them what to do and providing them with the right tools. She did a Japanese pediatric acupuncture (Shoni-shin) to activate some of her body's natural healing powers. She taught about aromatherapy (and made her a little inhaler with mint and lemon) to help calm her during hard times. She taught her self-hypnosis so she could better deal with her stress and anxiety. She was going to teach her some breathing techniques, but we got to go home before she had a chance. She also taught Sarah about "reframing". I love the idea that her mind can create more positive images to help her body heal. (For example, when the doctors talk about her "leaky gut", often the picture that comes to mind is of the cell walls with holes or her intestines seeping fluids. Dr. Gershan taught her to picture the cells closing up tighter and holding in that fluid, and allowing the body to absorb the important proteins that she "used to" lose.) I believe the mind has great powers, and though some think it's hokey, or kind of like living in denial, I like to think it's re-training the mind to think positively and allowing the body to follow the mind's example. We have much more power and capacity than we ever use in these minds and bodies of ours, and learning how to access that inner power is pretty cool.

Dr. Firszt came and visited with us about Sarah's immune system. Even though most of her tests came back normal, they are concerned that her body may not have the created the immunities that healthy people create after immunizations are introduced into the body. He wanted to do a full screening on her, but because she had received some IVIG (a donated blood product on immunoglobulins) to boost her immune system, the immunities that showed up could be someone else's. Gammaglobulins (B-Cells and T-Cells) are what fight infection, and Sarah's are extremely low. He said not to panic, though. Those cells are created in the lymph system and carried through the thoracic duct and kids with heart surgery history often have a damaged or compromised thoracic duct. Because she's been so "healthy" all of her life, maybe her low numbers have worked just fine for her all this time, and will continue to do so. Their concern, however, is that this mysterious "infection" she had might have been because the small amount of cells she has are no longer working for her at this age and stage of the game. So, he ordered a triple round of strep-pneumonia shots and put her on a daily antibiotic to fight off the environmental bacterias that are so easy to get this time of year, including the strep/pneumonia bacteria that may have caused the SBP (spontaneous bacterial peritonitis) they treated her for. We go see him again in February or March to have the full screening done and see if her immune system is strong enough to fight on her own, or if she will be needing more treatments and immunizations to keep her healthy in the coming years.

So, it was an interesting and enlightening couple of days, but I wished Steve had been there with me to learn and hear it all, too. That's one of the many hard things about being separated during these hospital stays. There's so much to take in, so much to learn, and so very much to... well, forget. Plus, he's a fan of "mind power" and I think he would have loved Dr. Gershan.

On Friday, Steve was planning to return to stay with Sarah, and I was going to go back home. But, in the morning the doctors surprised us and asked if we were comfortable going home soon. After the last two disappointments, we had decided to not even think about home and then we'd just be happy and grateful when they decided they were ready to let us go. So when I say "surprised", I kind of mean "shocked", and didn't even want to go there if they weren't serious. Sarah had a fever the night before and had been throwing up again that morning, so I was holding my breath until we got the final word. The doctors had all decided that there wasn't anything else to test her for right then, and although things weren't all the way better, they were comfortable that she had improved enough and we could do the same things for her at home that they were doing at the hospital. We also left with the understanding that we'd be back if anything got worse. So, we got to go home. And here we are, two weeks later... and we're still home! So great to be back together as a whole family, getting back into the swing of things and feeling a little more normal again.

Home Sweet Home

Well, my daily blog posts of our hospital adventure didn't last very long. I'm really really glad, though. That means that we're home! Sarah did pretty well today. She did throw up some today and had a low-grade fever tonight, but I don't think it's serious. Without nausea, her PLE is probably the cause of the vomiting. She's gone a couple of weeks though without, so I hope it goes away again soon. Her appetite has got to get better, now that we're home and she's not forced to choose from the same hospital menu every day. I really think it's going to take a while before she feels all the way better. Being sick for a month has taken its toll and she's thin, weak, and tired. I spent over an hour today organizing her medicine and making a chart so we could keep everything straight and keep track of her progress. We put all the hospital stuff away (kind of) and cleaned up all the boredom busters we had collected in our four weeks at the hospital. We had certainly moved in and made ourselves at home! It's so nice to unpack, knowing that we'll be home for a while (hopefully a very long while).

Steve found me this cartoon today in the paper. It made us laugh, and felt so appropriate at the moment.

I suppose when doctors aren't really sure what you've got, or what to do about what you've got, it would be comforting to create another problem that CAN be solved! :) We never really experienced that at the hospital, but it did seem occasionally like any progress would have been a good thing!

Today I learned that when you come home, even after a stressful month in the hospital, "normal life" is waiting for you, even if you're not ready for it. Grocery shopping, errands, dishes... they all think they're still important. It did feel good to be in my PJ's til noon, though! I suppose the rest of the "lots of things to do" will just have to wait! (How long do you think I get to use this excuse for my lack of desire to do all those things?)

Today we're thankful for being home together again. I'm so grateful that Sarah is doing okay still, and that we were able to be home together. In some ways it feels like we've never been apart. Then I look at my boys, and it seems they have changed so much since I hugged them 11 days ago. It just feels so good to be back together!!

PCMC - Day 27

WE CAME HOME!! YAY!! HOORAY!!

Today I learned that we could come home!!

Today we are grateful that we got to come home!!

:) Silly, I know, but we're just so happy be be here together!

(I will expound in the next few days, I promise!!)

PCMC - Day 26

Pretty good day today. Sarah was still tired and spent much of the day sleeping off the rest of the anesthesia.

We met Dr. Lynn Gershan, the medical director of Pediatric Integrative Services, and Dr. Rafael Firszt, the immunologist. We learned a lot of interesting things today about altertnative medicine and Sarah's immune system. She's still feeling pretty good, but had a fever again tonight...darn it!

I'll re-do this post in the morning and expound. We're really tired and need to go to sleep.

Goodnight!

Daily Blog - PCMC Day 25

Today actually started in the wee hours of the morning. Sarah spent most of the night being awakened every hour or half hour for uncomfortable things to help prepare for her colonsocopy. After morning vitals, we were visited by the oncologist (the doctor doing the bone marrow aspirate) and she said she'd see us at 1:15. We were obviously confused, since we had been preparing all night for tests at 7:30 a.m. They were planning to run them together since she'd already be under anesthesia and in the OR. They had originally scheduled them separately, then together in the morning instead, and somehow didn't get the message to oncology. In looking at the schedule, the teams decided the later time worked better for them. We were beyond frustrated with the inconvenience and stress this caused Sarah (not to mention serious lack of sleep, and no food or drinks now til afternoon). I expressed our frustration to the poor innocent nurse and resident, and then realized that it was already decided, and there was not much to do except be positive and try to help her cope. We passed the time pretty well with a morning nap, a visit from Aunt Kathy (Steve's sister) and a game of doodle dice. Before we knew it, the time had come.

All Sarah remembers is talking with the anesthesiologist, getting some "relaxing" medicine, and telling me goodbye. The next thing she remembers is waking up in her room, 4 1/2 hours later, feeling sleepy, but pretty good. Even though it makes her a little weepy, versed is a pretty great amnesia-inducing drug! The procedures actually only took about an hour and a half, and all went well. There will probably not be any results for about 48 hours, but she handled them beautifully, and the doctors were able to collect all the cells and biopsies, and see everything they needed to. She is pretty comfortable and now receiving a broad-spectrum antibiotic in her IV while we wait for answers. (No reason to sit around wasting any more time, huh?) Hopefully, by Friday we'll have the answer to this puzzle that has been so aggravating these past few weeks. I'm frankly a little nervous about the results of these tests. I'm scared that they still won't find the answer to her inflammatory markers and  mysterious fevers. When I decide to be positive and hope that they really will solve the puzzle with these tests, I'm kind of scared of what they will find. I know that's the goal, and what we've all been praying for, but the unknown is not something I'm very eager to face head-on these days.

Steve is home with the kids, being a daddy, mommy, and candidate, catching up on the last 3 weeks away from home, and putting together Halloween costumes and a City Council campaign. Mom has helped a lot after school, and continued being the wonderful Grandma she is. The kids are so happy to have him there, and as much as they need him, and he needs to be there, it was so hard today to be apart. Sure hope we don't have very many more of these "hard" days ahead.

Today Sarah is grateful for anesthesia and for good doctors that know what they're doing. I'm thankful that there were no bad surprises or complications and that it's all over for another day. I'm also thankful for our family and all the wonderful things they're doing for us to help us through this tough time.

Today we learned that just because a day starts out bad, it doesn't mean the whole day has to stink. Today ended up being a pretty good day, thanks to our Father in Heaven for sending (in various ways) the comfort and love He has promised.

Daily Blog - PCMC Day 24

At the suggestion of a member of the Rainbow Kids team, I decided that I am going to post on our blog every day now, at least for a while. I hope this will accomplish a few things for me and my family...

1. Provide daily updates for our family and friends to know what's going on through Sarah's current hospital stay.
2. Help me journal this experience in our life a little better and more accurately.
3. Give me a place to write my feelings and insights into what this experience really is to me, and how it affects me and the people I love.
4. Help me take a few minutes every day to reflect on blessings we're receiving and things we're learning through this experience.

PCMC Day 24

Sarah is doing pretty well today. She is feeling a little more sleepy than she has been, but it's been a pretty good day otherwise. Her tummy is a little smaller and she still has some diarrhea and fever, but her appetite is still really good, and she's pretty happy, considering we're still here. She is no longer receiving any antibiotics right now, with the assumption that the bacteria that's causing the fever will be able to grow better if it's not sterilized by the antibiotics. They have assumed the fluid in her belly is what was infected, and there were inflammatory markers and elevated white cells, but the cultures didn't grow. So, with no antibiotics on board, they are repeating a bunch of tests for common intestinal illnesses through blood and stool tests. At this point, we're hoping for some more symptoms to rear their ugly heads, cultures to grow something definitely yucky, or for things to just taper off and get better.

Tomorrow, she is going to have a bone marrow aspirate (collection of bone marrow cells through a needle) to rule out salmonella and a few others that sometimes "hide" in the bone marrow. While she's sedated, they will also do a GI endoscopy and colonoscopy to "see" what's going on inside and can do biopsies of anything weird at the same time. She's pretty nervous about new tests like these, but will be sedated and safe, and I'm confident she will do fine. The hardest part is the unknown, only second to how weepy and tired the sedation makes her feel.

Today we're grateful for fun distractions like games, puzzles, Teen Night and a long walk through the University of Utah campus.

Today I learned that there is not pathway or sidewalk that takes you just around the hospitals, and that taking care of yourself is not neglecting someone else.

My October Gratitude List

Since things have been less than ideal in our lives this month, I thought I should share some of the things we are grateful for these days... (in no particular order, and most likely not a very complete list)

• For Primary Children's Medical Center - that the hospital is only 2 1/2 hours away, for incredible doctors and nurses that really care about Sarah, for specialists and cooperative teams trying to solve her problems, special teams like Child Life and Rainbow Kids, and that one of its purposes is to keep kids happy while they have to be here
• For the love, prayers, support and visits from our extended family, friends, ward family, and acquaintances
• That Steve's boss has been so understanding and flexible to help get us through this and keep his focus where it should be right now
• For Steve's friends that have helped with his city council campaign in his absence
• For home teachers that have mowed our gigantic lawn more than once
• That my mom is retired and has been able and willing to "move in" to take care of my kids so Steve and I could both be here as much as possible, and for my dad for helping and supporting her (and us)
• For Steve's parents for providing us with room and board, and wonderful meals, and company
• For Relief Society leaders that have completely taken over my calling so I could focus on my family
• For all of the "love" that has showed up on our doorstep... hospital snacks, presents for Sarah, meals, treats, Halloween surprises, cards, and money to help us through this stressful time
• That we have good insurance and Medicaid for Sarah so the hospital and doctor bills haven't caused any extra stress
• For social workers that arranged a room for us at the Ronald McDonald House and other reimbursement programs to help relieve some of our other financial burdens
• That my sweet sister-in-law sewed Bryson's Halloween costume so I wouldn't have to
• For our patient children at home that haven't complained, but pray every day that we'll be home together again soon
• For technology (like videocams and skype) that allow us to "be with" our kids sometimes
• For Steve's sisters that planned a "surprise Hawaiian luau" to brighten Sarah's otherwise frustrating and disappointing weekend
• For the family members and friends that have come to visit, bring meals, do crafts with Sarah, and brighten our prolonged stay at the hospital
• For our sweet daughter Sarah, and her incredible example of faith and long-suffering
• For our Heavenly Father's love and care, His plan, blessings, and tender mercies
• For our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His infinite love and atonement that grants us the strength to endure and the grace sufficient to overcome

Another Ride

I don't even know where to begin this time.... So much has happened, and there is so much to say.

We did get off the "roller coaster", the very next day. Late Saturday night, Sarah was released from the hospital. We went home with strict orders to watch and monitor her fevers, keep in touch with the cardiologists, and follow up with her pediatrician within the week. It was so very wonderful to be home together! Sarah was still pretty sick, but we did our best to keep her comfortable and keep track of everything. Thankfully, we still had another week of Fall Break for the boys and me, so I got to be the nurse and mommy while Steve worked and we tried to get back to "normal". I called to schedule Sarah's follow-up for the following Friday, and they didn't have any room for her that day. So, we scheduled it for Wednesday morning instead. By Tuesday night, I looked over the careful notes we'd been taking of her "at home" vitals, and realized that things really weren't getting any better. She still had little appetite, and the other symptoms were much the same, if not worse. We headed to the doctor in the morning, and he confirmed those thoughts. He ran blood tests again, and told us that she seemed even worse than when he sent her to the hospital two weeks earlier. He told us to go immediately to the hospital (in Pocatello) where they would get some IV antibiotics and more maintenance fluids in her. She was to be flown (by the Life-Flight helicopter) to Primary Children's again, where the experts were that could help her.

So, I guess, we were forced back in line for another ride... It was a different roller coaster this time. Same amusement park, but a different ride. As we boarded this "same, but different" ride, I thought, "I really don't want to do this again...". It has been a different ride, with more hope and success, more support and company, and also more frustration and tears. As we're (hopefully) drawing near the end of this second ride (day 12 today), I've decided I don't like this part of the park much. Most of the rides really stink.

*     *     *     *     *

On October 12th, we watched Sarah strapped into the helicopter and lifted into the air. Steve arranged for his sisters to meet her at the hospital when she arrived so she wouldn't have to be alone. She was stable, but it was so hard to see her taken from us again... just like when she was a newborn. When we had arranged everything and talked to each of the kids about going back, we headed to Salt Lake to find our 18 year old baby girl looking much better than when she left us. The next several days were kind of like a continuation of our last trip, but different in many ways. Instead of doing more searching for the cause, it seemed the teams of doctors were more concerned with finding a treatment. They decided the oral antibiotics she had been taking at home must not have been fully absorbed, so she wasn't getting the medicine in her she needed. They also started looking at some of the long-term things we could do to help her PLE, since the nature of the symptoms had seemed swing more to that disease. She stopped throwing up the day after she returned, and the fevers seemed to go away by the next Sunday. We were making progress.... The fever and white blood count, however, were still baffling.

I went home Saturday afternoon and stayed there with the kids until Wednesday afternoon and Steve stayed with Sarah. I was able to get some much needed time with my sweet ones at home, and also all 15 hours of work in at the school. While I was gone, it seemed Sarah just kept improving. Her cardiac team brought in Dr. Angela Yetman, who runs the Adult Congenital Cardiology Cardiac Program at Primary Children’s and the University Hospital. She specializes in adult patients with congenital heart defects. Kids with anatomies like Sarah's didn't used to live into adulthood, and now most adult heart doctors don't really know how to work with patients with such complex heart anatomies and complications. Apparently these same issues and treatments are different in adults and children. She immediately put the kibosh on a feeding tube, more albumen treatments, and the seriously low fat diet. She ordered iron infusions (to help with absorption in her intestines, slow down the gut, and raise red blood cell and oxygen levels) and a calorie count, giving Sarah the freedom to eat what she really wanted to, hopefully proving she could keep in enough nutrients to gain weight and be healthy again. I couldn't wait to return and meet this doctor whom Sarah has officially hired and seemed to turn things around because of her experience and expertise. If nothing else, it was a new (and welcome) perspective, and gave us a connection and starting point with an adult cardiologist.

Sarah was doing really well. Fevers had stopped, no more vomiting for a week, diarrhea was slowing down, and she was feeling really good. We were pretty concerned about how big her belly had gotten, but were assured that with all the swelling of her internal organs and the fluid that the albumen hangs onto, we'd need to be patient for quite a while before that would go away. With that settled in our minds, we were planning to be home on Friday. Then, late Thursday evening, there was another fever spike....

The doctors came in and delivered the sad news and my little angel fell apart. She was so disappointed and so homesick, she couldn't even really hear what the doctors were saying. Then, she wiped her eyes, and said courageously, "I really want to go home, but I don't want to have to come right back again. I'll stay as long as I need to to get better." It was a pretty hard morning for all of us, as we had hopes of being home with our whole family together again. Since she had a (new or recurring) fever again, they decided to go ahead and tap the fluid in her belly and test it to see if the peritonitis they'd been treating. (Everybody has a small amount of peritoneal fluid in their belly to cushion the organs in the abdomen. In the weeks prior, Sarah's hadn't shown up as an abnormal amount in the tests they'd run, so they hadn't tested it, but just treated it. They assumed that since everything else was negative, it was a logical deduction that her intestinal issues and swollen belly would contribute to that diagnosis.) When they checked on ultrasound, this time there was a serious amount of fluid in there. They took her in and tapped the fluid to test and removed 450ccs (almost 17oz) of fluid from her belly. It has made her feel better, and her appetite has really improved (more room in the tummy equals more calories in the tummy). We all feel much better about having had that done, and I wonder now if the fever was another tool of our Heavenly Father's to keep us here so they would go ahead with that procedure. Her fevers have continued the last 3 days at a low-grade level and now they're testing for common respiratory viruses to explain the fevers. If they come back positive, she'll be headed home, with a little "head cold", but knowing that the initial infection and issues are now better. More testing and more waiting....

It's Sunday again, and Steve and I are both here with Sarah at the hospital, hoping tomorrow will be the day. Waiting for cultures to grow can take a few days, and I'm worried that they'll want to have definite answers or no fevers for a bit before sending us home. Sarah is at day 29 of being sick, day 22 at the hospital and has had 35 pokes, with 11 IVs. I think it's time. But, I'm with Sarah on this. I really don't want to take her home until it's really time.... Heaven help us to finish this ride patiently.

The Hospital Roller Coaster Ride

I usually really like roller coasters. The twistier, scarier, and more adrenaline-rush-causing the better. I have decided, however, that I really don't like life's figurative roller coasters. In the midst of a struggle, it seems that every once in a while life tosses you some hope and then it's all dashed in a matter of moments with one sudden event. Then, you get to the worst part, where you think you might just lose your lunch, and there's suddenly a little more light and a little more hope again. Not that I'm ungrateful for the hope and the light. It's those miracles and blessings that makes our struggles and burdens easier to bear. I think it's just frustrating because the figurative roller coasters seem to be awfully long rides sometimes. What if I don't want to "keep my arms and legs in the car at all times"? I want to get off....

Last week, Thursday, September 29th, we checked Sarah into Primary Children's Medical Center. She had been really sick with a "stomach flu bug" (we thought) since the previous Sunday. I took her to see her pediatrician on Wednesday afternoon, worried that she may be getting dehydrated. With her diuretics and PLE, I wasn't sure how far to push her before we did something about it. We had blood drawn and an exam, and went home with some zofran (anti-nausea medicine) and waited for lab results. The doctor called back, close to 10 p.m., after discussing with cardiologists at PCMC what should be done. Her albumen levels (4-6 for normal people, should be at 4 for her) were down to 1.6. By the time we got her to the hospital the next afternoon, she was at 1.3. When she was so sick 3 years ago, her levels dropped to 1.2. The difference this time is that she hasn't been sick for months before doing something. But, her protein levels are about the same. Anyway, we checked her in for an overnight stay to receive some albumen infusions, with the hope that raising those levels would counteract the symptoms (swelling, diarrhea and vomiting) and calm things down in her gut. The problem, however, came with the fever she keeps spiking around 102 up to 103.4. The infectious disease team was called in to see what they could find. After days of stool, blood and urine samples, everything they tested for came back negative. They checked for things like urinary tract infection, bacterial infections in her blood, rotovirus, salomomonilla, listeria, and so many more I don't even know what they were. After several days of testing, growing cultures, and waiting for results, everything has come back negative.

The gastrointestinal team was called in a few days later (notice we are checked in for an extended stay now) to see if they could help explain why symptoms were not letting up with elevated protein levels. They recommended an ultrasound to see if she had an excess of peritoneal fluid in her abdomen that could be infected. It didn't show an unusual amount, so "tapping" it was kind of discarded for a bit. Yesterday, a whole week after our arrival, and the day following another fever spike, they did a CT Scan with contrast to see if her mal-rotated intestines maybe were twisted or pinched, causing the vomiting and diarrhea. They were also checking for arteries that could be clamping and pinching the bowel (because with her weight loss, she's probably lost most of the fatty tissue that protects the intestine) as well. Results of that test said that things seemed to be functioning "normally" without any blockages of any kind. That was a relief, but still left questions of what's causing the fever. They decided to treat the fever like any bacterial infection and gave her an IV antibiotic, hoping that in a day or two it will just fix the problem without explanation (because there might not seem to be one...).

So, here we are, 8 days since admission, still waiting and trying to fix what's wrong. She has improved, throughout all these tests, and probably just through the passing of time, her symptoms have changed from the original "stomach flu" style of symptoms with nausea to more of a PLE "rejection" type of  vomiting without the nausea. So, we're still here, unsure of whether those symptoms (diarrhea and vomiting) is PLE or if it's something else, but doing our best to help her heal, be comfortable, get some nutrition in her, kill the fever, and get her home.

Today is one of the best days we've had since we checked her in. She's felt pretty good, gone on a few walks, and actually kept food down all day! That's a huge milestone...it's been almost 2 weeks since that's happened. So, as I sit here telling this story, we're filled with hope and smiles today that we're headed a good direction. Maybe we're at the "tummy-tickle" part of the ride. I hope and pray in the coming days that the fever will go away with the antibiotics, and the food will stay down so we can all be home together again in just a few days.

We've had some really special times together trying to cope with the emotional and spiritual struggles that come with such an experience. We're so blessed to have my mom taking care of the other children so we can both be here with her. Steve's work has been so good to be flexible and just cover things so he can be where he needs to be. It's been such a blessing to have us both here so we can each take turns being strong enough for the other two. Steve had an wonderful experience with Sarah in the "Meditation Room", and Steve and I had a sweet healing experience on a walk and in the "Angel Garden". I can't imagine how we would be handling things without these incredible blessings. Between all the prayers and the opportunity to be here together, we've learned so many things and grown spiritually. We've learned more about the difference between wearing a "mask" and putting on your "game face", what "courage" really is, experienced and shared tender mercies, and studied and learned more about the Atonement of our Savior and His infinite grace.

I'd like to say that the roller coaster ride is over, and that we're finally getting off dizzy, giggly, and happy to be back on the ground. Not sure when that will happen, but on a day like today, I have hope and faith that it will be whenever it's supposed to be. Our loving Heavenly Father is in charge. It will be over as soon as He thinks it should be. We're where she needs to be to get the best care possible, and with all the love and prayers we've felt, I know He must be waiting to bring us great blessings.